Is All Reading Good Reading?

My friend posted a piece online recently sharing that when quarantine started in March she bought a Kindle and has read 64 books since then. Yes, 64! I did the math and that is roughly an average of 6 books completed per month (to my 1 or 2 reads). Although I’m happy for her, I have to say that I found this a bit intimidating. Did she not sleep? Did she ignore her family? I know she has a big job, so it’s not that she has the luxury to read all day…

And then my curiosity led to the possibility of audiobooks - did she go that route as well? Having said all of this, it made me ask myself ‘what is reading anyway?’ Does reading have to include the physical act of turning pages filled with print? Do audiobooks count - or is this cheating? And what about graphic novels? Do they promote or derail reading? Purists may have some strong opinions on all of this.

So, let’s consider why we read…

…Or more specifically, why we want our children to lead literate lives. It’s a given that reading is a crucial part of human development and a necessity for intellectual development. While reading to young children is a right of passage, it’s also a developmental necessity. We want them raised on stories so we can share with them the gift of language.

Babies actually start language development by babbling in a rhythm and mutter in complete sentences. If you listen closely, you’ll notice inflection, pauses, natural periods, and commas. The stories we first share with children are often nursery rhymes and rhythmical verse with beautiful illustrations. This is how we invite our children into literature and language. But then, as they grow, we transition away from them once they graduate to chapter books and beyond.

The Middle School Slump

As an educator, I see the middle school years as the period when the most dramatic decline in reading occurs. I’ve concluded that the root cause is attributable to external influences such as:

• Middle schoolers are pressured to read the “right books” (aka the “literary canon”) versus being able to find an individualized reading “fit”.

• Reading takes a back seat to so many other activities competing for their time, such as technology, sports, clubs, etc.

• It can honestly feel weird to just sit and read sometimes, so creating the daily habit of sitting down and reading can be challenging in our culture.

Keeping the Flame Alive

So, if we are serious about fostering a love of reading in our kids, what can we do to nurture their curiosity and make it a part of their daily lives? Here are just a few suggestions:

• Endorse ALL literature as a means to finding the right reading level.

• Applaud graphic novels and how they invite visual learners in.

• Consider listening to audiobooks.

• Continue to read aloud to ALL age groups.

If we want to nurture a love of literature in our children - especially the most reluctant readers - let’s give them access to stories that will benefit their language development. For example, audiobooks allow them to hear a fluent reader and understand the story without the challenge of decoding. Similarly, why not let them enjoy the images in graphic novels? This will help them connect and comprehend the piece. And for those who love the printed word, let them cozy up and crack the binding of their current read.

Here’s How!

Here are my suggestions for inviting readers to the table and developing curiosity as part of their daily lives:

• Litter your house with ALL books (picture books, novels, graphic novels).

• Leave comics in the bathroom - for a quick and entertaining read.

• Turn on TV and movie subtitles.

• Listen to audiobooks in the car.

• Have candid, organic conversations about books, the same way you might discuss a recent movie you watched or the latest Tik Tok trend!

Otherwise said, we need to commit to looking at reading in many ways in order to spark the flame early in our childrens’ lives and sustain it as a lifelong source of growth and joy. At the end of the day, let’s send our kids a clear message that All Reading Is Good Reading!

Let’s Connect...

If you’re interested in continuing this conversation, asking questions, or sharing your own observations, please feel free to email me at anne@keatingquigley.com and join me for my free workshop, Is All Reading Good Reading?, on March 10 at 7:30 pm (register below).

Join us for:

Is All Reading Good Reading?
with Anne Connerty, Essay and Workshop Specialist

Wednesday, March 10
7:30 pm

Click here to register

Anne is also available for essay guidance and one-on-one mentoring sessions.

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Written By Anne Connerty
Essay and Workshop Specialist

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Offered by Keating Quigley Educational Advisors

Keating Quigley Educational Advisors is a Greenwich-based educational advising practice that partners with domestic and international families to provide highly personalized educational consulting services for Nursery through Grade 12 students. Services include school search support, essay guidance, social-emotional mentoring, relocation support, and enrichment workshops.

Help Your Daughter Shatter Her Glass Ceiling!

“Shattering glass ceilings”. The term is everywhere right now. But what does it mean? With the inauguration of Vice President-elect Kamala Harris taking place next week, this has been on my mind lately. When I look at my own two daughters, age almost five and almost two, I see so much potential. But I also ask myself: How do we help the next generation of young women keep the momentum going?

To be the leaders of tomorrow, the young girls of today need our help. Here’s how:

• First, we must help them build confidence. A young woman may have intelligence and talent, but without confidence, she will not be able to achieve anything.

• Secondly, we must support our girls with examples of role models and mentors. Knowing about our possibilities and seeing other accomplished women is a key part of reaching our own goals.

• Lastly, frequent and meaningful conversations about female identity are critical to helping them shape their ideas about who they are and the women they will become.

Confidence is Key

We all want our daughters to feel that they CAN and WILL achieve anything in life. But how is this feeling developed? In a society full of comparisons on social media and pressure to get ahead of others in school, girls need to be reminded of how special and important their individual qualities are.

As parents, we have a unique opportunity to see our children’s strengths firsthand and witness the qualities that set them apart from others. But how often do we help them identify their strengths? Sometimes they need to hear positive feedback when they do something great to boost self-esteem and motivation. So remember to be specific and praise actions, not personality traits. For example, say something like, “You spoke so confidently and bravely with your teacher today, I am proud of what a leader you are becoming in your class.” This statement is more effective than a simple, “I think you’re really brave.” This way, you are intentionally reinforcing positive behaviors and choices, with the hope that they will repeat them in the future. This is also important in helping them to embrace their individuality.

Don’t forget to help your daughter recognize and celebrate her uniqueness. When she comes to you for advice, for example, remind her to follow her heart. During adolescence, many kids tend to follow the crowd. We should remind our girls that being different is not only okay, it is also a strength. Asking our girls questions such as “what is your gut telling you?” will help her reflect and build a sense of self-assurance that is vital for future success.

In addition, identifying how we behave and model for our girls is another key component of helping them build confidence. Do we exhibit self-assuredness and poise in our work? Do we take pride in it, and interact with colleagues and friends in a way that we want our daughters to emulate? Do we model acceptance of our bodies? Do we speak kindly about ourselves? Our girls are watching us and whether we intend to or not, we have an impact on their self-esteem. Their sense of self begins with a strong model for confidence. When girls are confident in themselves, they can dare to dream about and achieve goals that might be otherwise impossible.

Look to Role Models in their Lives

For our girls to achieve the same level of engagement and leadership that we have been able to attain, they must first have exposure. The adage, “We cannot be what we cannot see” could not be truer here.

Making sure to expose our girls to a variety of role models in a range of fields, and from diverse backgrounds, is ideal for encouraging them to think about themselves as competent women in the future. This is also why it is so important for accomplished women to become mentors to underserved youth, who may not have sufficient opportunities to see examples of various careers in their communities. It is never too early to have our daughters start conversations with other women about their career paths and experiences. We should encourage our girls to seek out as many new experiences as possible that will allow them to meet women in all fields.

Identifying opportunities to engage with female leaders will have a positive impact on the way they see themselves as young women. Engagement in after-school clubs, youth groups, dance classes, sports teams, art or music classes, or community service with an encouraging female mentor are great ways to experience this.

Engage in Dialogue about Issues Facing Girls and Women

Of everything we can do to motivate and lead the young women of the future, open and honest conversations are the most important.

It is important to discuss ideas and concepts like feminism, the history of women’s rights, the obstacles to gender equality that remain today, and women’s overall role in society. We must educate our girls and give them a chance to talk about how we got here and where we are headed.

Girls absorb so many messages, both positive and negative, about what they should and should not do as females. They need candid conversations that encourage them to reflect on the significance of their experiences and help them to challenge misconceptions. For example, many girls feel that if they speak proudly about their accomplishments or their appearance, they will be viewed as “conceited” or “full of themselves”. If they are allowed to consider this idea further, they would realize that this is not true. There is no reason that females shouldn’t be as loud and proud of their strengths as their male counterparts. Encouraging our girls to be proud of themselves is an important step in allowing them to shine. Honest reflection and candid discussion about our place in the world are vital to motivating the young women of the future.

I look at our young girls of today with so much hope and optimism. They have access to more information and opportunities than we ever did. They are also growing up in a more equitable society. The likelihood of a female succeeding is greater than ever, due to the powerful line up of women who came before us and broke barriers. Girls can dare to dream anything. The possibilities are endless. With confidence, access to strong mentors, and open dialogue, the sky's the limit for the next generation of women.

Girl Power!

A parenting workshop with Erika Brunwasser
Thursday, February 25
7:30 pm

Please join Erika, Social/Emotional Coach & Workshop Specialist, for an evening of guidance and support for a positive path to parenthood as part of the Keating Quigley Enrichment Collaborative.

Email For More Information

Erika is also available for one-on-one virtual student mentoring sessions.

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Written By Erika Brunwasser | Social/Emotional Coach & Workshop Specialist

Three Ways to Help Your Teen Harness Her Girl Power!

When I sat down to write my thoughts about "Girl Power," one woman who symbolized this concept could not escape my mind: Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Ms. Ginsburg, or "The Notorious R.B.G." as many of us now refer to her, was the embodiment of female power, autonomy, and success. In her 87 years, she taught us all how a woman can have a groundbreaking and successful career while simultaneously raising a family. And most importantly, how to do it all with grace and compassion. Since her death in September, I have been trying to pinpoint just what made her powerful and inspirational. From my own experience as a school counselor, I know that the strongest female students with whom I worked seemed to be independent, above all else. This theme of independence must have resonated with R.B.G. because she is often quoted talking about it. When discussing her ideas of feminism and her upbringing, she is quoted as saying, "My mother told me to be a lady. And for her, that meant be your own person, be independent." I couldn't agree more. I believe that independence, along with healthy coping skills, and key female mentors, are three of the most important elements of helping a teen to unleash her "GIRL POWER!"   

When my daughter was born, I sat in a baby parenting class of ten women in New York City. The group facilitator asked us moms, "What is your ultimate goal with this baby?" Our responses varied. The women responded with everything from "keep my baby safe" to "get him to follow his passion in life." After we all went around the circle and spoke, the group leader finally said, "None of this matters unless your child is independent. Your job is to raise him/her and give him/her the skills to be ready to leave your house and go out into the world as an independent adult." I could not agree more! With independence and a strong sense of self, a child can accomplish anything. But how does one attain this? In a world full of Instagram and TikTok followers and hovering parents, how can an adolescent girl manage to assert herself and make her own choices? Having a strong sense of knowing what and who makes her feel good is key. Also, having parents who set clear and reasonable limits is essential in the process of developing independence.    

Teaching her how to recognize and define emotions, and stay away from things that make her feel bad is very important. We can only make good choices and trust our instincts if we learn to be honest about feelings, friendships, and situations that do and do not serve us. As a parent, you can work with your daughters on this in almost any situation. Do you notice that your adolescent daughter continues to want to hang out with a group of girls who are not nice to her? Encourage her to think about how she feels in the moment when she is with them. Try guiding her by saying something like, "How did you feel when X said that to you? How did your body feel? Your heart?" Once she is able to recognize this, she may one day articulate it and say, "Spending time with X sometimes leaves me feeling excluded or not great. I'm going to hang out with my other friend Y today, who makes me feel fun and silly."

As for setting limits, have you ever tried to encourage your child to join an activity in which they have no interest? That's a great time to set boundaries and encourage independence! Hearing them out while sticking to your expectations is important. Try saying something like, "I hear that you don't want to do this, and I do understand, but you are going to try it once. If you don't like it after the first time, we will discuss it again and make a new decision together." As your child gets used to you encouraging her expression of feelings and setting limits, she will naturally start to become more independent.    

Remember those feelings I just encouraged you to allow your daughter to experience? What happens when those emotions feel absolutely awful? We all have challenging situations and moments, whether we're six, 16, or 60. The key to becoming a stable and healthy adult is having the appropriate coping skills to actually deal with these feelings. If your daughter is going to change the world, she must start within herself! Girls must have a healthy outlet in which to release their thoughts and feelings. Whether it is some form of physical activity like a sport or dance, something creative like art or writing, or even small self-care acts like taking a hot shower, journaling, or listening to music. All of these coping skills can become part of your daughter's (and your) routine. Daily stress and setbacks happen. We need to teach our daughters healthy ways to deal with them, so they do not turn to unhealthy habits or risky behaviors to cope. We are seeing this now with the Coronavirus. Kids that are set up with healthy ways to cope are faring better with all the changes in our uncertain world than those who lack these positive outlets. One certainly cannot attain "Girl Power" without being able to cope with the "tough stuff" that comes her way.    

I bet many of you have noticed by now that your teen daughter is not running to you for advice very often anymore. But that doesn't mean she isn't in need of it! As girls grow and reach early adolescence, they tend to start to keep things from their parents. But with everything the world is throwing at our young girls right now, they need a level-headed and unbiased mentor to guide them in the right direction. Teen girls are dealing with so much more than we ever dealt with. From pressures by peers and social media to look a certain way, to the burden of rigorous academics and the college admissions process, to simply navigating the adolescent brain in a global pandemic, it is a lot to bear. Making a connection with someone outside of their immediate family, such as a family friend, school counselor, therapist, coach, aunt, or other trustworthy adults, is key to a girl's healthy development at this age. The right mentors can teach kids how to navigate the world in a calm, level-headed manner. Cultivating relationships with female mentors, especially those who embody independence and confidence, will help put young girls on the path to achieving their goals.

Most of us will not rise to the highest court in the United States of America, as Ruth Bader Ginsburg did. But let us start right where we are. We can define "Girl Power" within our own families and communities, beginning with the teenage girls in our lives. We can support adolescent girls to succeed in our chaotic world by encouraging independence, healthy coping skills, and mentorship. With the right tools in place, our girls can undoubtedly unleash their superpowers, one of which is simply being a GIRL!

Erika is hosting a 6-week enrichment series starting October 22nd, 2020 for girls ages 11-13 and 14-16. This is a virtual safe space for adolescent girls to talk about issues relevant to growing up and becoming a kind, confident leader.
Click here to learn more and register!

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Written By Erika Brunwasser | Social/Emotional Coach & Workshop Specialist